Fuck this, I'm moving to Canada

I HATE FUCKING MANAGED CARE!!!!!! This is fucking ridiculous. The only reason i am not hyped up on uppers right this second is bec insurance companies think it is smart business sense to not cover Wellbutrin if it is used as a cigarette suppressant. Therefore I can't fucking get my prescription until the fucking insurance company believes it is bec im fucking insane, rather than just trying to kill myself with cancer sticks. Think of the hundereds of thousands of dollars they would save by help some shmuck quit smoking rather than get lung cancer. Even if only a small percentage of the ppl they would cover would've gotten cancer, it costs $60 a month for the drugs, and the copay is $10 so it costs the insurance company $50 a month for a script of Wellbutrin. Compare that to the money they would have to spend on hospital bills and chemo and radiation.

Ooooh, look a chicken!

Isn't it funny when you go to a shrink for the express purpose of getting anti-ADD drugs, and six weeks later the doc says, as if this is his idea that came out of no where, "Has anyone ever told you you have ADD?" I guess it's a good thing R. bogarted my therapist. Apparently, it was her mention of my room needing cleaning that tipped the doc off. So now I have an excuse for my mess! YAY! Now if only my insurance would get off their asses and approve my drugs. (Not only do I get Stratera, but I also get Wellbutrin. I will be medicated out my wazoo. Or is it up my wazoo? Let's just say medicated to high heaven. Yes, that works best.)

I'm not emo if I don't use emoticons

Fuck it. I'm depressed. I'm pissed off at everyone, too. Just the sound of R. tossing and turning in the next room gets my panties in a twist. I wish my life were somewhere else completely. I wish I didn't keep fucking up. I wish I could find something to do other than constantly reload blogs that I know haven't been updated. I'm such a pussy, I don't even comment anywhere. I just lurk. Obsessively. But I can't even talk to my therapist about this because I'm not about to admit to her just how big a loser I am. Just how little progress we are making. My damn breathing thing is happening again. And the chest pains. This time they are on both sides. And hurt more when I breathe. I want to be married and pregnant. I want to have someone to marry. I want all money problems to not exist. I want my credit to not be screwed up at the age of 21. God fucking dammit.

Well at least no one in the world will ever see this.

Blah blah blah

Well, R. totally bogarted my therapist yesterday. We didn't have time to drop her off after the interview, so she had to come with me to my appt. And, of course, my therapist saw this as a perfect opportunity for some family therapy. Instead of R. coming in for ten minutes, she stayed for most of the session and talked most of the time. I was very pissed off by the end. But hey, at least R. did some healing. If healing now means self centered masterbatory diahrea of the mouth.

Well, the foster mother seems to think I will be able to take the baby home with me in January. My mom is not so convinced. Unfortunately, I am now REALLY excited about the prospect of taking her home. Why am I like this?

Listmania

So chances are, I'm gonna be going home with a baby on January 4th. I mean, it's not like really good chances, but there are some chances out there. I went to Target today to get a scraper and new windshield wipers and I was looking at all the baby stuff and trying to figure out what I would need to get just to take the baby home. Here's the list:

1. Graco Literider Travel System-$99.99
2. Warm outfit-$9.99
3. Secondary outfit for when the first outfit gets dirty-$8.99
4. Socks-$6.99
5. Onesies-$7.99
6. Hat-$3.99
7. Blanket-$3.99
8. Bundle type outdoor warm clothes type thing-$19.99
9. Cloth diapers-$8.99
10. Diapers-$12.99
11. Wipes-$2.00
12. Baby carrying sling-$29.99

Total: $215.89

And as much as I know this is a huge mistake, I am, against my will, becoming excited. Dammit.

Aren't you so pretty?

I am completely and totally in love with my iBook. (Well, maybe not 100%. It would take $100 worth of memory to make me 100% in love.) You get all screwy and won't turn on, but do you die? NO! I have to reinstall OSX and think you are about to delete and/or hide all my crap, but do you? NO! Last night I was in a panic thinking I was going to have to start from scratch ripping all the cds in the general radius of me. And downloadin' like a felon. (Because we all know that my iTunes collection is the only thing I was really worried about.)

I was in such a pissy mood. First R. doesn't call to find out when I have to drive her to her interview with R. S., which I am very much not excited about doing in the first place. I really don't want to go and make small talk with him. Sure he was nice enough the last time i ran into him, two years ago, but now I really have to like talk to him. After all, it's pretty much up to him if R. gets in or not. The more that I think about it, the more I think it probably would be a good place for her. But anyway, so she decided she is too much of a pussy to call, since she was told to call only after she got in today. But she's not getting in until 5ish, so no one will be at the office by then, not to mention that it is within 24 hours of my appt which is the the reason I want to know anyway. If I have to cancel my appt, which I really don't want to do, I can't tell them within 24 hours.

The second thing (well third, after my computer) that was pissing me off, was my roommate. She was being such a whiny bitch. She is so co-dependant that she can't go the block and a half to Rite Aid by herself. I was talking to her in her room, when suddenly she slammed the door and said I couldn't leave unless I went with her to Rite Aid because she needed cover up. She said I could even wait in the car! Then what was the point? So I agreed, only because SHE SERIOUSLY WAS NOT LETTING ME LEAVE! I told her after I eat. And then she kept coming in my room asking when we could leave. WHY THE HELL DIDN'T I TELL HER TO SHUT UP AND GO AWAY???????? But coming home and finding that Compy was all better made all that crap just melt away. Sort of.

Oh, and it's snowing. So pretty. I need to go get a scapper thing so I can drive to pick R. up from the aiport.

Finnigan Begin Again

Well, it's happening again. My mother has found another baby to add to her collection. This makes number 4. At least she isn't going out and getting another three year old. I don't think she quite knows what she is getting into. The first three, while they have their problems, are really almost normal. N has the same syndrome this new baby has, but she has such a mild case, the endocrinologist said she should really be retested. And the twins, while they were preemies, they were 32 weeks, which is already considered only a little premature. This new one is a 26 weeker! And who knows how bad her P-W is. I guess I should just be glad that I don't live at home anymore. Poor R is still living at home until next September. At least P-W kids don't really cry for the first year. But by three, N has certainly gotten over that. Of course, if the twins birth mom decides she can't handle the baby she is currently pregnant with, my mom will take him, and not this new one. The only problem is, I. didn't give up B until she had to deal with her for four months, so I would just love to see my mom say no to I's new baby, even after she took this other baby. So then we will have pseudo triplets and pseudo twins. Joy.