I suck

I really do. I don't know why. I just do. Errr. And no therapy for three fucking weeks. Damn insurance fraud scheme thingys that take three weeks to get approved for thirty sessions when they claim it's twenty and then have to give me six first eventhough the paper work was done like six weeks ago to get me approved for more. GOD DAMMIT! I want therapy! And maybe more drugs.

A rose by any other name

So I had some time to kill (I have no clue why, but The Phantom Tollbooth just popped into my head. I haven't thought of that book in years, and it's not like I never use "kill" and associate it with "time", so, huh.) so I went over to the computer lab, but it's been a while since I've used it, so I had forgotten my login name. (It's one of those annoying college things where they give you some combination of your first name and last name with some numbers tacked on, and I can never remember if it's four letters of my last name, or five. It turns out it's six.) So I went to the help desk to see if they could help me. I explained that I had forgotten my login, so could she please help me retrieve it. She asks, "Do you remember the password?" Now, here is where I made a mistake. I should have just said, "Yes," because even if it isn't the one I was trying, there is a finite number of other possibilities (11, I counted). Instead we go through this whole thing where she tries to tell me I need to be issued a new password which will take 3-5 days. And I try to explain to her that I don't need a new password, and I usually don't have time to stop in the lab, so if I can't use it today, I don't want it. It went back and forth for a couple minutes until she understood, "Oh, you just want to varify what your login is!" Yes. Very good. Of course, it was a different one than I was trying and my password was correct.

The point here is, I realized, it would be very easy for someone to steal my identity. As I said, there are 11 possible passwords. One is my short and sweet one that I use for several forums and Yahoo! games, but nothing else, because everything now adays requires at least 5 characters. (Yahoo does, too, but I got my account a LONG time ago.) So if I really don't care if anyone hacked in, and if I'm allowed, I use that one. Then there is the 5 character one which I use, well, now that I think about it, I really only use it for my Snapfish account. But it's still there as a possibility if I can't figure out my password. I can also do that one in 1337 speak, if numbers are required. Then there is the one I use the most. Six characters works for most things. (Just not PayPal and my bank account, I think.) And that one I do in regular and 1337 speak. The last one is v v long and can also be used in 1337 speak. And that's only 7. Hmm... Oh, right. There's one more that I only have as one thing, since it's also 6 characters. The only reason I used it is because someone scared me into changing my password. Which really pissed me off, because I had my short and sweet password on my AIM account until someone started harassing my friends. I liked that I had my sn for so long I only had 4 characters in my password. So that's 8. Maybe I counted wrong before? I dunno.

Err, I haven't even gotten to the point I was going to make and I have to go to the shrink. AFK.

Back.

Anyway, I have one nick that I use for everything. So it's always just a matter of figuring out which password I used. The problem with this is I am the only person on the internet with my nick. (Well, there may be one other. I'll explain.) So if you google my nick, EVERYTHING is stuff I have said in various forums. Or commented on various blogs. (The one that might not be mine is from like two years before I thought to google my nick, so the fact that I don't recognize the site doesn't necessarily mean anything. The comment is even something I would say. BUT the person pretending to be me said "your" instead of "you're". THERE IS NO WAY I WOULD DO THAT! I am a huge stickler for stupid stuff like that. Just TRY to say "anyways" in my presence. I dare you.

The result of this is my mother figured out that she could find out everything I've been saying. Normally this wouldn't bother me. But I've been thinking about it more recently and I don't want her to see some of the stuff. Not because it's bad. Just because it's embarrassing. (Yes, I have commented on WB forums. You can shoot me now.) Like this blog. I normally would've been signing it with my nick, but I quickly decided that JUST MIGHT not be such a good idea. So I have decided I must get a new nick for all forums other than the one or two I am currently active on. I will leave my original nick for sign in stuff to various different things. But anything I have to comment on, I will now be known as.... um..... Did I mention the other reason I have the same nick I had in 1998? Because I SUCK at coming up with names. I hate it. Oh, well. Maybe.................

Obligatory Hunter S. Thompson Post

I don't mean to sound facetious, because I was very surprised and saddened to hear of his death. It's just, EVERYONE is posting about it today. So I felt it necessary to mourn him in my blog, too.

He was a great, crazy writer. I guess he was a bit crazier than some of us supposed. Of course, he really couldn't have died in any fashion other than suicide or od'ing. Living till ninety and dying of old age just wouldn't have fit.

So, now, a moment of silence.

Insane?

Why do I smell dog? I have no dog. I haven't been in contact with a dog since Novemberish. There has never been a dog anywhere near my bed or my room or my apartment. So why do I smell dog?

It's not on anything, because I have smelled everything near me and it all smells like laundry detergent. It's not me or my hair or anything I'm wearing. It's just sort of lingering in the air. Maybe I'm going insane. (Going?)

T is away until Monday. And next weekend she will be gone, too. And I can't go away then, because I have plans. I should see if E wants to stay over here or something. Eventhough she lives right across from the W's... But I don't want to stay there. Maybe S and E will come. I just don't want to do absolutely nothing next week.

Sha sha. I love this song.

BORED

I am so bored. I have nothing to do. Except all that shit I'm supposed to be doing right now. What? Huh?

Ergh. I want Down On Haley, is that such a crime? Why does LimeWire have only two copies of it? (Oh, well that might be a crime...) I even managed to get 73% of it. But can I get the remaining 27%? Hell, no! That would be ridiculous. You want to listen to a WHOLE song? No, no, no. We don't do that here. If this takes much longer I may have to break down and *gasp* BUY the song. Oh, nevermind. It just finished itself. It's a miracle! Now I must to get some Atom & His Package. I love them.

I really need some more memory. My only dilemma is the whole only one available slot or port or whatever it is called. So if I spend $50ish to upgrade to 512 mb (see, I'm SOOOOO slow) it will be $50ish down the drain if I decide I want to upgrade some more. So it makes most sense to max it out, right? But that would cost $350ish. BUT it would also mean I would have 1256 mb. Lappy would FLY. Seriously. At all times she would be hovering above the ground, or lap, or whatever surface a NORMAL computer would be sitting on at the time. So I'm thinking it would prob be worth the $350ish. Sigh. If only I had money to spend. Instead I have to spend Daddy's money and he's jealous enough that I have a Mac and he has a Toshiba. (*Snicker*) So he won't want to make my Lappy AWESOME. Cuz then he might be forced to go buy one. Of course, right now, with a student id, which we have plenty of, you can get one for $899. Nice I say. R should get one so that we can have EVEN MORE iBooks lying around when we go to the fam up in the Michigan. Last time I was there, there was mine, my cousins' (at least 2, maybe 3), my uncle's, my aunt's sister's, my aunt's, and a couple others for good measure. There were only about three that were 12 inch iBook G4s. My aunt has a 15 inch I think. And my unlce has a Power Book. And my aunt's sister has a huge something or other. I don't think it's G4, though. But I think the rest of us were 12 inch.

See, this is why I have a blog. So I can ramble on and on mindlessly to waste time during the dark hours between updates on various things I read and ER.

Rambling

Well, I finally got around to watching the trailer. Dammit. I'm gonna have to see it, won't I? I have so many objections to it, but it still looks like it's going to be good. Would it have been SO hard to cast a Brit as Ford Prefect? Or at least someone like Don Cheadle, who can fake it? Everybody knows that Paul Bettany is the PERFECT Ford Prefect. Why couldn't they get him? I doubt they even tried.

So I suppose you can make the case that Ford is an alien, therefore why should he have a British accent any more than any other accent. (The obvious answer is because he spent most of his ten years on Earth in the UK.) But how can anyone say that about Trillian? She is British. And Zaphod hangs out with a whole bunch of Brits, so don't you think he would've picked up the accent? Or, wouldn't the babble fish translate everything into your accent?

What I can't complain about is Arthur Dent. He is so perfect. They cast the guy from Love Actually who was a stand in for a porno. Martin Freeman. But Mos Def as Ford? And Sam Rockwell as Zaphod? (I mean, I can totally appreciate him for some of his work, like Confessions of a Dangerous Mind, but HE IS SO WRONG FOR ZAPHOD!!!) And Zooey Deschanel as Trillian? And isn't it slightly suspect that EVERY other cast member (with the exception of John Malkovich) is British?? (Also, is it just me, or is a disproportionate amount of the cast also in the Harry Potter movies? (Which, by the way, managed to keep everybody British!) I mean, is there like a small pool of British actors to choose from, and Harry Potter has so many characters that they needed them all? Love Actually also makes a nice showing, with Martin Freeman, Bill Nighy, and Alan Rickman (also in Harry Potter). It's just something to ponder.)

Jason Statham would've made a nice a good Zaphod, I think. A much different one than Sam Rockwell is playing him as, but more what I imagined him as. But I suppose he hasn't broken in to comedy, yet. Give it time, give it time. Or my new favorite Brit, Hugh Laurie (Dr. House from "House"). He is without question the hottest man over forty on tv today. The hottest man over thirty is Goran Visnjic (Luka from "ER"). Speaking of ER, Noah Wyle is in talks about staying on for another season. Yay! Now we just have to get Carter a good girlfriend. Not this social worker girl. I don't like her. But he needs to find someone and settle down. I have finally resigned myself to the fact that he and Abby are never getting back together, and it would just be weird if they did. That ship has sailed. Also, Abby and the med student? I want Shane West to see some action. I mean there's the Neela possibility, but at the beginning of the season, I really felt Abby was gonna get together with him. Besides, Neela and Gallant are sort of an item. You know, long distance relationship type thing. I know he's going to be in tonight's episode, but I wonder if this means he is back. I hope he is, I like Gallant.

Anyway, I just got notice that I owe $2400 in rent. (I don't.) Must to go straighten that out.

iPod Goodness

As a follow-up post to the one about my taste in music, I have decided to do one of those "1st 10 songs iPod shuffles out for you" things.

1. Harvey Danger - Flagpole Sitta

2. Digger - Dale

3. They Might Be Giants - Little Germ

4. Dwarves - The Band That Wouldn't Die

5. Alanis Morissette - Perfect

6. Blink-182 - Untitled

7. Shawn Mullins - Changes

8. Broken Social Scene - shampoo suicide

9. NoFX - Can't Get The Stink Out

10. Me First and the Gimme Gimmes - Different Drum

Only one that I would skip over (Alanis Morisette. Why did I rip this?). Nice. I was worried I would end up completely embarrassing myself with my bad taste.

The more I think about it, this really doesn't accurately portray my tastes in music. So here is the list from my "what I want to listen to RIGHT NOW" playlist:

1. Me First and the Gimme Gimmes - Hats Off to Larry

2. NoFX - We Threw Gasoline on the Fire and Now We Have Stumps for Arms and No Eyebrows

3. Ben Folds - Annie Waits (clap)

4. NoFX - It's My Job to Keep Punk Rock Elite

5. Goldfinger - Superman

6. MxPx - Summer of 69

7. Lagwagon - Raise a Family

8. Ben Kweller - Sha Sha

9. Steppenwolf - Magic Carpet Ride

10. The Ataris - How I Spent My Summer Vacation

I was extremely picky about what I put on this playlist. There are only 222/1940 songs. Compare this to my "stuff I really want to listen to" playlist which has 733 songs, and that's only up to the M's. (I got distracted and haven't finished it up yet. Since there are two NoFX songs there, I suppose I should give the 11th song.

11. Green Day - Blood, Sex and Booze

I think this is a pretty good sampling. The only other bands that really come up very often are the Beatles, Violent Femmes, No Use For A Name, Less Than Jake, and Weezer. But my most played song is Better Than Ezra - Good. But that's becuase I put that and a couple other songs on the playlist three times. I'm just REALLY in the mood to hear them.

OH MY FUCKING GOD!

142. 142. 142. 142.

IN SIX WEEKS I WILL BE SKINNIER THAN MY SISTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WILL SHRINK TO NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fifteen pounds is six weeks. Without thinking about it. FIFTEEN POUNDS!!!!!!!! It is official. The way to bring about world peace and solve the whole hunger crisis, or whatever it is, is to give EVERYBODY Wellbutrin. And Strattera. (I wonder which one is really doing it. Or if it is just the combination that makes it so wonderful.) Then everyone will be OH SO VERY HAPPY! and no one will eat ANYTHING! leaving plenty of food for the starving children of Africa. And we'll give them Wellbutrin and Strattera, too. You know, just for the hell of it.

I WILL WEIGH 127 POUNDS IN SIX WEEKS AT THIS RATE!!!!!!!!! Since I am two inches taller than my sister (as my dad says, the best thing that ever happened to me) my 127 will definitely beat out her 125!!! Not to mention that since the speed ran out she's probably over 130 again. I WIN, I WIN, I WIN, I WIN!!!!!!!!! (Yes, this is a competition. Everything is when it comes to siblings. Especially if your last name starts with an H and rhymes with bunny man.)

Of course I'm not just happy because I am sooooooo kicking R's butt. I am happy because my skirts are hanging on my hips, not perched at my belly button. I am happy because when I wear that shirt I love, my stomach almost looks flat. I am happy because I can actually picture myself as skinny as the majority of my friends. I am happy because I feel good about the way I look right now, for the first time, ever. Even back when 140ish was my normalish weight, I felt fat. It is amazing what spending several years hovering between 155 (at my absolute lowest) and 165 can do.

I know that this is hardly obese, but I am short, so I look stocky. And most of my weight is located in my stomach. And not like on the sides or anything. No. I have a very nice hour glass figure if you look at me from the front or back. (Except for my arms. Though those are improving, too!) It is my silhouette that is bad. My belly protrudes and my ass sticks out. Now I still have a few pounds to go before I even approach svelte, but for once I am actually considering the fact that I may be able to do it!

Some people call me Maurice

I have decided I hate Ryan Adams. But even more than that, I hate the fact that I know his name. Do you know how...mainstream *shutter* that makes me sound? I really only know the name because I just read something talking about how beautiful the remake to Oasis's "Wonderwall" is. Gag me. Please. That piece of shit remake RUINS the song. (Why can't I type?)

Now, I'm not exactly an Oasis fanatic or anything. I do appreciate their music, though I appreciate bands such as Lagwagon, Ben Folds (Five), Violent Femmes, Atom & His Package, and the Flaming Lips, to name a few, far more. But this doesn't deny the respect that must be paid to such wonderful 90s nostalgia music as Oasis. I remember the first time I heard "Champagne Supernova". I was in an anti-music stage (it didn't last) and was at my friend's house. Her older, wiser, cooler sister was arguing with me about how wrong my views on music were. (I think I said something along the lines of, "I just don't like any of it." This was also around the time I told my dad the Beatles suck. I know, I'm going to hell.) So she made me listen to "Champagne Supernova". I pretended indifference, because more than anything I had to be right. But I wasn't. I don't know that I heard it again for at least a few years (when I did return to music, I listened to crap at first. Why did I waste so many precious years?), but the tune still resonated. I can remember sitting in the car on the way to my grandparents and hearing a few notes in my head. I doubt I could've put together an entire line, but I knew there was something about a landslide in there. I may have even thought it was "Landslide Supernova".

My point here is not just to lament my wasted youth, but to try to convey a message to Ryan Adams:

Stop screwing with good music! Covers can be cool, but only punk covers. Seriously. I heard a Coldplay cover of a Morrissey song (well, technically I think it was a the Smiths song, but same thing) and it just was not right. At all. But then I listen to Joey Ramone's rendition of "What a Wonderful World it Could Be" and I am in tears. Or Me First and the Gimme Gimmes. I love their stuff as much or more than the original. I mean, have you tried to listen to the original "One Tin Soldier"? Who did it? Eh, I don't feel like searching for that answer. But, whoever it was, it sucks. Seriously. It takes about twenty minutes to get through the first stanza. Completely wrong. Now, some of their stuff also crosses a line, but in a far less distressing manner than Ryan Adams.

Now back to my wasted youth. Can you believe I actually listened to rap? (Okay, I will admit there is the occasional rappish type song mixed into my iTunes library still, but they are only there for sentimental value, and I skip most of them. And they aren't in my "Stuff I actually want to hear" playlist. Except "Hey, Yeah!" But that's because it's funny.) Why couldn't Napster have been around just a few years earlier so I might've refined my palate sooner? Of course, my taste was hardly as common and trashy as rap by the time my brother downloaded Napster. No, I was listening to Smashing Pumpkins and Bush. How I will never know. I think it was peer pressure, because there is no way I can sit through an entire song by half the bands I used to listen to. I can still tolerate Eve 6, Lit (Why don't I have "My Own Worst Enemy" in my library?), and a couple others from that era in my music, but the majority just hurts my soul. I don't even really like Nirvana. I don't know how that could've happened. I can still tell you all the reasons why it is IMPOSSIBLE that Kurt Cobain commited suicide. I still believe it too, but that's because I love a good conspiracy theory. Speaking of which, I actually like one Hole song. Of course, that is only because it was my sister's and myself's "song". We loved that. Ah, memories.

Of course, I still listen to crap music all the time. In the car my programmed stations are: rock station (actually, a pretty decent one. Far better than the one at home), lite (and you know you have to spell light wrong) FM (Very crap. The one at home will actually get one song in during a 24 hour period that I can sing along to), pop (Just for when everything else is on commercial and they happen to be playing a Killers song or something), one of those "the best of the 80s, 90s, and today" (This one tends to venture into genres the one back home steers clear from. Like, I think I've heard REM on it. So, two very enthusiastic thumbs up, fine holiday fun), oldies (This one...), classic rock (....and this one are where my fingers mostly go back and forth between.) I just don't like current music that they actually play on the radio enough. I'd much prefer to sing along to Wedding Bell Blues by the Fifth Demension or Stuck in the Middle with You by Stealers Wheel than, I don't know, who is popular right now? Um, that crap band that thinks they can sing? You know the one.

Anyway, time for my meds.

Insert title here

I am insane. The baby is probably coming, again. Possibly in time for me to take her home over President's Day weekend. And so I have become obsessed with a new stroller. Of course, the one I actually want is the G Collection one. But that one costs $169.99 just for the stroller, and the matching SnugRide is $50 dollars more than the regular SnugRide. So if I can get my mom to let me get a $249.99 stroller rather than a $99.99 stroller I am totally running over to Babies R Us.

I realized something. I'm not actually excited about the baby. Not at all. I'm excited about buying LOTS of crap for her. Of course my mom won't let me buy ALL that I want to buy, but this has given me a chance to sort of do some early research for whenever the hell I start to have kids. I have finally lowered my price for a stroller down from the $900+ dollar Bugaboo. (Since of course I couldn't just get the stroller. I would need to get the boot and the carseat adapter and various other stuff.) So this is improvement! I'm sure stollers, etc. will change by the time I'm having babies, but if I were preggers today I would pretty much get the whole G Collection from Graco. Well not really. I would only get the Pack 'N Play and the highchair in addition to the stroller. Swingwise I'm going with Fisher-Price because the side to side option seems like a good idea. I'm not in love with the way this one specifically looks, but the only one that really looks nice also looks like it would swallow a baby whole.

So who wants to guess what html thing I remembered how to do?

Hellooooo Nurse

I can't sleep. That's what I get for napping today. Oh well. I'm still going to get up in an hour and a half and read the NY Times. Maybe have a cappucino. I really should figure out if my machine works or not. But the only can opener I have is the kind that is supposed to leave it without sharp edges or something. All it really ends up doing is cutting off the top instead of just the inside part. So the lid can't go back on. Dammit. Why T. decided to get that one instead of a normal one I will never know. I will also never know why we can't have a normal sized knife. All we have are this wimpy little paring knives. Maybe I should go to Target in a few hours and get those. Of course, now that it looks like we will be getting the new baby, and it also looks like it is very likely that it will coincide with President's Day weekend, I will probably be taking her home, so I will have to do some real shopping in about a week or so. I also have to read a few hundred pages from various books. Not to mention watch all the news shows I tivo'd. Well, at least I don't care about the Super Bowl and won't be watching that. There's always next year. As if. Maybe my children will have a chance to actually see the Lions make it to the Super Bowl. Or at least my grandchildren.

So I started school. I love my classes. I love my drugs. All breathing issues have totally disappeared except for nights like tonight when I don't sleep at all. And I go to all my classes without the least bit of hesitation. AND I PAY ATTENTION!!!!!!! It's amazing how ADD I was without even noticing it. I can also have long conversations with people without saying much for a long period of time and not drift off to some other place. D. is here for the weekend. She is still amazed that no one ever diagnosed me before. She always thought I was medicated and it just didn't work. Otherwise, she would've mentioned it to me.

Aunt V. came into town last weekend for a buying trip. We went out to Indian. Of course, Dad's first question to her was, "Do you think the drugs are working?" (She does.)

My last Friday night home we stayed up late (well, for Dad) reading war letters from Grandpa to his sisters and nephews and parents. It was so cool. There were about six months missing from his first year, but other than that it was pretty complete. I really didn't know anything about his war record. He was a pilot and flew 40 missions, and he bombed Iwo Jima. He was 30 in '42, so he was too old to enlist, so he made himself a fake drivers license that said he was 26. It's so weird, because I read, and loved Catch 22, and this is like all that in real life. There is definitely enough material there for a book. Someone just has to go sit down with Grandpa and get some more of his stories on tape. V. has voluteered me. But Dad says he's gonna do it. I think it could be interesting. Whether or not the book ever gets written, we should still get him to tell us all he can. He told Dad a story when he gave him all his war papers. Apparently, first day off of training, Grandpa goes up in his very own plane. He flies around and all is well until he comes in for the landing. He landed so badly that the plane was no more than scrap metal. Not that anyone was hurt or anything. So he hottailed it to the beach to hide out from his C.O. He spent a couple days shooting crabs. When he ran out of ammo, he went back. His C.O. pretty much told him he was through. But he ended up only being grounded for a month. Then he caught a ride back to San Fransico (I think) and got a brand new B-24 right off the assembly line.

Anyway, I should try closing my eyes for the next half hour.